The Gatsby Swing Top
The Gatsby Swing Top
(Scene: Elaine's office at J Peterman)
(Elaine is at her desk, Peterman enters)
PETERMAN (holding up a bra): Elaine, do you see this? Do you see what I'm holding is my hands?
ELAINE: Yeah, it's a bra.
PETERMAN: I saw a woman in our hallway wearing one of these as a top. What exquisite beauty, I ran down the hallway to talk to her, but the elevator door closed. It was not to be. Perhaps our paths will cross again some day.
ELAINE: What is this all about?
PETERMAN: I wanna market this item as a new direction in women's fashion. We're gonna sell this as a top. Here's the angle: Zelda Fitzgerald, aaaand, somebody in the 20s, wearing this at wild parties, driving all the men crazy.....Have it on my desk by the end of the week.
The Caddy - Episode #122
The Implants
The Implants - Episode #59
New scene - Jerry and Elaine in Jerry's apartment.
ELAINE: So anyway, I stood up to shake her hand, then suddenly I lost my balance and I fell right into her.
JERRY: You fell on her?
ELAINE: I touched 'em.
JERRY: You what?
ELAINE: I...touched...'em.
JERRY: You touched 'em?!
ELAINE: I needed them to help me break my fall! If it hadn't been for them, I could have really injured myself!
JERRY: Wow.
ELAINE: Anyway...they're real.
JERRY: Excuse me?!
ELAINE: I think they might be real.
JERRY: Oh, what do you know, you have no breast touching experience.
ELAINE: I've touched mine!
JERRY: So have I.
ELAINE: Oh, right...I forgot.
JERRY: Anyway, touching two breasts doesn't make you an expert.
ELAINE: Alright, well anyway, I think they're real. And if they are, I must say they are...spectacular.
JERRY: Aw, what are you doin' to me?
One of my favorite episodes of Seinfeld is Episode #102, "The Beard" in which Elaine tries to convert a gay man to heterosexuality:
Jerry: Not conversion. You're thinking conversion?
Elaine: Well it did occur to me.
Jerry: You think you can get him to just change teams? He's not going to suddenly switch sides. Forget
about it.
Elaine: Why? Is it irrevocable?
Jerry: Because when you join that team it's not a whim. He likes his team. He's set with that team.
Elaine: We've got a good team.
Jerry: Yeah, we do. We do have a good team.
Elaine: Why can't he play for us?
Jerry: They're only comfortable with *their* equipment.
Elaine: We just got along *so* great.
Jerry: Of course you did. Everyone gets along great when there's no possibility of sex.
Elaine: No, no, no, I sensed something. I did sense something. I perceived a possibility Jerry.
Jerry: You realize you're venturing into uncharted waters.
Elaine: I realize that.
Jerry: Are you that desperate?
Elaine: Yes I am.
Jerry: He went back? What do you mean he went back?
Elaine: He went back.
Jerry: I don't understand it. You were having such a great time, the sex, the shopping.
Elaine: Well here's the thing. Being a woman, I only really have access to the, uh... equipment, what, thirty, forty-five minutes a week. And that's on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who *own* this equipment, and have access to it twenty-four hours a day, their entire lives.
Jerry: You can't. That's why they lose very few players.
Elaine: Yeah, I guess I never really stood a chance.
Jerry: Well there's always a place for you, on our team.
